Friday, October 16, 2009

The Matrix Trilogy in 300 Words

The Matrix

“Ugh, I hate my job.” *ring, ring*


“Hi, Neo. It’s Morpheus. I can see you at your work. Come find me and I will feed you drugs.”

Later that day... “See? The world is an illusion. Everyone lives underground and we’re all scared of robots that run the world and keep us in a video game.”


“Now you must learn a bunch of martial arts.”

“Hello, I’m Agent Smith. You met me earlier. Let's fight.”

*fight, fight*

“Whoa. I totally survived being killed.”

The Matrix Reloaded

Now Neo can fly and is totally banging Trinity. She’s a hot lady from the first movie where they flew a spaceship underground, for some reason.

“Whoa. I gotta find out if the old black lady from the first movie was totally full of shit. But probably I’m the chosen one.”

Neo fights a bunch of duplicate Agent Smiths, then flies again.

Then a bunch of crazy ghosts and some Asian guy with a lot of keys chase each other on the interstate.

“Hi, Neo. I'm an old white dude named the Architect. I made the Matrix.”

“Whoa. Fuck off, I'm the chosen one.”

The Matrix Revolutions

Everyone lives underground and has spaceships and robot warriors with guns.

“Whoa. We have to go fight the robots for real. First I gotta fight Agent Smith because now he’s not just a computer file, he’s a real asshole and killed the old black lady, who is now played by a different lady.”

*fight, fight, fight*

Oh no, Neo gets blinded by Agent Smith. Now he can’t see when his girlfriend Trinity gets stabbed and killed.

“Totally sucks that my girlfriend is dead. Time to face the robot leader.”

Presumably, Neo sacrifices himself for the good of humankind. It’s really unclear.

The End.